I was just about ready to leave on The Great Trip, but then I kept thinking about what The Professor said about getting my ass kicked and figured it might be better to do it as part of a Reality Travel Team. Wolf&Lamb had already left the week before, but my other close friend was BigFoot, a WildMan Traveler who MeToo’d via primal instincts. He was easy to MeToo cuz we shared so many of the same primal instincts like food and sleep and Love. He was also the one most likely to drop everything at a moment’s notice to go on a cross country mission, and he was as big and strong as the mythical Sasquatch, which could really come in handy if we ran into the MeNotzies.
“We’ve got to go to the other side of the country right now!” I said when I got to his place in The Shadows of The Forest.
I expected him to get really excited and jump up and down and go “Woo yeah!” But instead he was quiet and sad looking. His normally psycho standing-out-in-all-directions Wildman hair was slicked back, and his long fuzzbeard had been replaced by bare cheeks and a smooth chin.
“My Gods, BigFoot!” I said. “What happened to you?”
“I got a job,” he said.
“But I thought you’re supposta be totally free to follow thru with any primal instinct that strikes you in the moment.”
“I know. Must explain at The Diner.”
BigFoot was most in his element at The Where-ThePlains-Meet-TheMountains Diner. It was open twenty-four hours a day, and he could get hungry at any one of them. We ordered all the appetizers like mozzarella sticks and chicken fingers and onion rings and all the dipping sauces like marina, buffalo, and ranch dressing. We also got Dr. Peppers with unlimited refills. The food cheered BigFoot up enough to get him talking.
“The job is called ‘landscaping,” he said. “It’s bad because they make you do things like dig and plant and move heavy rocks even tho you don’t want to. You feel like running away, but if you do you’ll get fired.”
“Why would you do this to yourself?”
“Had to. After The Training my parents stopped paying for my basic survival needs, like food, phone, and my place in The Shadows of The Forest.”
“Will the landscapers at least let you take long, unexplained breaks for Reality Travel reasons like my pizza delivery job?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“But the Professor said a Reality Traveler is only supposed to have a job that doesn’t interfere with The Travels.”
“Then you have to quit and come on The Great Trip with me instead.”
“But what about the bills?”
“Hmm… Don’t pay them?”
“Wouldn’t that be irresponsible?”
“Irresponsible? That sounds like an Adult word.”
“Hey, I’m no Adult! I’m a Traveler.”
“This is how it starts tho, I think. You get a job, and then they brainwash you to think you can’t leave, and then you become an Adult and never Travel again, even tho you’re supposed to stay ForeverYoung like the Bob Dylan song.”