When I came back in from the garage the Buddhawg was there waiting for me again. He leapt up and was quick enough this time to actually get a whole dangling finger in his mouth. It made me hurt.
“Sorry,” Mom said. “I let him back out because I thought you were going out.”
“How would I do that?” I said. “I can’t drive ever.”
But she couldn’t hear me cuz the air was full of barking.
“Hold on,” she came over. “Let me put him back in the cage.”
“No, wait,” I said. “This time I want revenge.”
Then I led the Buddhawg to the living floor and got down on my knees to his level. We stared and growled at each other. We faced off like two enemy fighter pilots in the First Great Reality War.
“The old dog didn’t bite,” I told him. “Dogritos was a creature of Pure Love and only wanted to be cuddled and squeezed.”
“Yap, yap,” Buddhawg said.
“Now I’m going to overpower you and make you exactly like her.”
Then I lunged in and smothered him with the weight of my much heavier body. I got nipped on the hands a couple times, but I was able to grab him by the neck, raise him up, and smush my face right into his furry and vulnerable underside. Then I pulled away so I could pinch his little black nose and see how wet it was. The Buddhawg snorted and fought to break free, but my species was just so much more powerful.
“I’m doing it,” I said. “I’m winning. Just like Le Rouge Baron.”
Buddhawg didn’t give up tho. The moment I let up he squirmed away and got several nips in. I tried to pin him back down again, but the whole fight my head had been getting more TimeFuck swirly. Soon I was out of breath and hadta lay flat down on my belly. Then I was defenseless, and my hands got nipped so many times.
“Can’t beat him,” I mumbled into the carpet.
Then I hadta call Mom over to rescue me. She came over, scooped up and imprisoned the biting dog once again. I kept lying there tho.
“Tsst,” she said. “No wonder you’re so tired. You haven’t eaten or rested all day.”
“I don’t know,” I told her. “I just know I only want one thing now.