3.11 – Great Old Movies

Somehow my parents’ Self Growth hadn’t affected The TV yet. They still had a huge one with the latest technology and every single possible channel. As soon as Mom turned it on, its lights and sounds gave me a second wind of energy. The TimeFuck dizziness eased up, and I was able to get off the floor and sit up on the couch.

I grabbed the remote, and it felt good and comfortable in my hand. I hadn’t watched any TV during The Training, but it was all coming back to me. I used the remote to control the TV with the highest speed and accuracy. The goal was to find a good show, and I knew from one or two seconds of light and sound whether I needed to stay or move on. Even when you found a good show it would be interrupted every so often by a company trying to persuade you to buy their products, and you’d have to find another show to tie you over for a couple minutes. One commercial came on tho and managed to hook me in. It showed a juicy hamburger on a smooth bun with a side of golden french fries and big-strawed soft drink to wash it down. Then it showed the golden arches logo of McDonald’s, and my mouth was watering with TimeFuck.

“No!” I said. “Torture commercials.”

“Put it on one of the movie channels then,” Mom said.

“Oh yeah.”

There are certain channels you pay extra for to have no commercials and only movies. I turned it to one that was showing one of my favorite things on the Great List of Old Movies, Big.

Big is a movie about Reality Travel. In it a small teenage boy is sick of taller MeNotzies and makes a wish to be big like them so they’ll finally MeToo. But the wishing machine misunderstands him and turns him into an Adult instead. He’s not a Reality Traveler and has probably never even heard of it before, yet he is forced to deal with the highest degree of difficulty Reality Travel ever. He’s suddenly cut off from his family and most familiar Past Realities and must MeToo an endless series of New Adult Realities including jobs, girlfriends, and the dangerous and unpredictable random Realities of NewYorkCity, all in a body he’s never operated before. He gets his ass kicked badly at first, but somehow avoids Vertigo and ends up MeTooing them all, including an Adult lady SoulMate, in one swift stroke by playing “Chopsticks” with his feet on a giant electronic keyboard.

“Chopsticks” is a song about being the first thing you learn to play on the piano. Every Reality knows it.

“Bravo!” I clapped when it was over.

I would’ve hoped that I could be half the Traveler the Big kid ended up being, but I was actually starting to forget what Reality Travel was anymore. The TimeWarp seemed to be getting stronger the longer I was there. I was even beginning to think I was still a kid. So I just did what I would’ve done until I got The Calling, nuzzled into a nice couch groove and watched the next great old movie.

“Ooh, Crocodile Dundee,” I said.

 Crocodile Dundee is a movie about Reality Travel, too. In it a crocodile hunter from the far off and exciting Realities of the Australian Outback follows his SoulMate to her home in NewYorkCity. It’s his first time ever Reality Traveling, and tho he’s an expert at survival in the wilderness he’s an amateur in the Realities of a huge American city. But Crocodile Dundee is a Natural at Reality Travel and nothing kicks his ass ever. All of his Australian quirks like saying “G’day” and wearing a crocodile tooth hat and carrying a very big sharp knife are all wildly MeToo successful no matter where he was.

The movie was so soothing and relaxing for me, I fell asleep before it was over. It was alright tho, I had seen it so many times I had no doubt Crocodile Dundee would use his wilderness skills to hunt down his SoulMate in the subway and tell her he Loves her before it’s too late, so they could live It’s Alright, Baby ever after.