4.5 – Road-80 Pennsylvania

In order to go from Ohio Industrial City (Rubber) Suburbs to Just-Outside-NewYorkCity County you have to take Road-80 thru Pennsylvania and New Jersey.  For a new driver it was a hard Road to Hit, full of booby-traps they don’t teach you in Driver Training. Every time I went on it there would be something like a snow storm or a speeding ticket or an empty gas tank. Even on The Great Trip me and Wings encountered The Worst Traffic Jam Ever.

All the cars were stopped in front of us and we could only go ahead at zero miles per hour.

“Dammit,” I said to Wings. “We don’t have time for this.”

In most traffic jams the cars start moving again after a second, but this time they just stayed stopped. In fact we were stopped so long that Realities started parking and getting out and walking around. I got out too and tried to look ahead and see what the problem was, but all I could see was an endless line of stopped cars. It seemed possible I could be stuck on this spot in Road-80 Pennsylvania for the rest of my life.

I thought about calling Kat and explaining the situation to her, but I knew she wouldn’t understand. What I needed to do was eliminate the traffic with my own will. I wondered if maybe The Goddess of Faith had the ability to vaporize all the vehicles in front of us.

“My Angel!” I yelled out. “I need you again!”

Then I remembered again that I hadta make a sacrifice first. Unfortunately everything seemed essential. The Wedding Uniform, The Kerouac book, and The Mix were all out of the question. I looked in Mom’s grocery bag for something, but I kinduv really wanted everything in there, too. Suddenly I was startled by a knock on the window.

“Oh no!” I thought. “The stuck-in-traffic Realities have gone crazy and are coming to get me.”

But when I looked up I noticed it was actually The Goddess of Faith! She was in a classical age tunic and looked like the Roman Empire.

“Faith,” I said. “How are you here? I didn’t even sacrifice anything yet.”

“Oh,” she shrugged. “Whoops.”

Then she laughed and came in.

“So what do you need, Bluebird?”

“We have to get to the next Reality as soon as possible, but this traffic is in the way.”

“Oh, no! What will happen if you’re late?”

“Kat could turn into the HateKat, and then it will be impossible to MeToo her.”

“Oh, my poor baby bird.”

“Maybe you can use your God Powers to make the traffic disappear?”

“Aw, I don’t have that kind of power. All I can do is give you some It’s Alright, Baby! so you don’t care as much.”

Then she reached over and gave me some IAB! and I did care less.

“Now let’s see what else we can do,” she said. “First I think you should eat one of your mom’s sandwiches for energy. Then you should read your book so you don’t get bored. And then you should definitely listen to The Mix, cuz that makes you the most happy.”

Then I did all those things, and I stopped thinking about the traffic at all.

“Goddess of Faith?” I asked.


“I was wondering… Are you The Crow who rescued me from Vertigo today?”

“No, I was watching the whole thing and wanted to help, but it’s against the rules for me to intervene.”

“Well, who’s The Crow then?”

“I don’t know. I thought it was just a bird that got accidentally trapped inside the closet.”

“No, there was no way it could’ve got in there. I’ve seen this before. I think it’s from The Other World.”

“I don’t know any crows in The Other World, but I could check it out.”

“Alright, I think we’ll need to. It seems important.”

“I’ll give you a full report next time I see you.”

“I was wondering something else. Can you only come when I’m having a problem? Cuz I kinduv wanna go thru the rest of the trip without having any more, but maybe I wanna keep seeing you.”

“Aw, Bluebird, I’m not really supposed to come unless you’re in trouble, but I really do love helping you.”


“I wish I could come just whenever tho.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I like Traveling with you.”

Then she leaned in and gave me a little It’s Alright, Baby! kiss on the cheek. It was the best IAB! yet, and I felt like I could wait for eternity for anything.

“I can probably stay tho until the traffic starts moving again,” she said.

“Great,” I said.

And then we ate sandwiches and listened to The Mix and waited together.