I went back to Wings in the parking lot and took off my jacket. Old Wolfy was right, it was just way too stuffy, whether I looked like The Professor or not. It was nice back at the car, a perfect Alone Reality hideout where no one could find me, and I hadta fight the urge to just stay there and not go back to The Wedding. But I knew I still might have a chance at some MeToos when the music part happened. And I knew The Ceremony was coming up, and I did want see the exact moment when Wolf&Lamb became married.
The hardest part was gonna be how to sit down. I knew I didn’t wanna sit next to anyone else, and I noticed a lot of empty seats in the back where I might be safe. Emperor Penguin was in charge of it tho, and it seemed like he was probably going to seat me in some MeNotzie kinda way.
I watched him from a safe distance. He was good at seating. His motions were smooth and effortless, and he would put his hand gently on a Reality’s shoulder or back and guide them ahead with a clear voice that never um’d or stuttered. He knew each Reality’s unique needs, whether it was going extra slow for a really old Adult or kneeling down and high-fiving a little kid. Most of the Realities laughed at something he said. It started to seem like his ‘chaperone’ comment could’ve just been some kind of fluke or misunderstanding, and he was a true Reality Traveler who would be gentle and MeToo with me.
I walked up to him and took a chance.
“Hey,” I said, “Can I just seat myself?”
“No,” he said.
Then he put one hand firmly on my back, while the other one pointed.
“I’ll seat you right here next to these fine people,” he said. “That way you don’t have to sit alone.”
They were a couple of younger looking Adults. I couldn’t remember who they were at all. It was possible they were imposters out to destroy The Wedding for the fun of it.
“But I want to sit alone,” I told Emperor Penguin, but he didn’t listen.
He used his usher hand to force me ahead just like the Planner Ants.
“This is So&So,” he said and pushed me down into the chair. “So&So, this is Colorado. He’s got some nice sneakers on, doesn’t he?”
I looked down at So&So’s shoes and theirs were both black and shiny, and then I looked at mine, which were all scuffed up with holes in the sides and the laces unraveling, and I realized I was Sticking Out Like a Sore Big Toe. Once again Emperor Penguin didn’t even say,“I’m just fucking with you,” and when I looked back up he was gone.
Then So&So tried to start talking to me.
“So,” So(Female) said, “do you know WolforLamb?”
“I’ve never heard of WolforLamb,” I said. “I only know Wolf&Lamb.”
“Oh…” she said.
“So,” So(Male) said, “you’re The Guy Who Came All The Way From Colorado.”
“No,” I said, “all the way from Where-ThePlains-Meet-TheMountains.”
So&So looked at me like they wanted me to say more, but I didn’t want to cuz it would’ve taken half a book to explain everything the right way. Instead I just froze up and stopped talking to them, and eventually they got the picture and left me alone. I could still feel them right next to me tho. Sometimes So would accidentally brush me, and I would hafta inch my seat over a little, and I would wonder why they got to sit there instead of BigFoot, or the Iowa Goldfinch, or My Mom, or Kat, or El Puma, or The Goddess of Faith or Nobody.
After everyone was seated, The Ceremony began by playing The Wedding Song.
The Wedding Song is a song about being played at the beginning of every Wedding. It starts off “Dun-Dun-da-dun, Dun-Dun-da-dun,” and when you hear it you know a Wedding is starting. It keeps repeating until all the Important Wedding Realities march down an aisle between the Wedding Guest seats and take positions in front.
Wolf&Lamb soon took their positions right next to the Queen Planner Ant who got to be Ceremony Leader. No one knew her before that day or what her knowledge of The Gods was, but apparently she had the power to legally marry you. The Queen then made a big speech about Love, but it was all about hard work and hivemind and digging, and there was no talk of SoulMates or Cupids or sparks or crazy magnetic forces in The Other World, and I eventually tuned out.
I started thinking about The Goddess of Faith and wondered if she was watching the whole thing at that moment. I thought about if we had a Wedding, and how we’d make sure there’d only be our favorite Realities, and no one would be a New Reality for anyone else, and everyone would get to be one of the Important Wedding Realities, and The Ceremony Leader would be The Professor, and The Ceremony would just be a recap of The Story of How We Met, followed by us forming Bluebird’s Alright, Baby!!for everyone.
Then I finally heard Wolf&Lamb talking for themselves.
“I’ll Love you forever no matter what,” Wolf told Lamb.
“I’ll Love you forever no matter what,” Lamb told Wolf.
“Alright,” The Queen said, “you’ll be married now as soon as you kiss each other in front of everyone.”
Then Wolf leaned in and put his mouth on Lamb’s mouth, and I was sortafar away, but I think I did see a fiery little spark or two fly out from their faces, and it gave me The Chills.