The DrumPenguin got out his bongo drum, and the GuitarPenguin tuned up his guitar, but Emperor Penguin was slouched down on the couch even tho that was against The Rules of Singing.
“What are you doing?” Lamb’s Youngest Sister told him. “You’re not allowed to sit there.”
“Where else would I sit?” he said.
“Over there in the wheelchair,” she pointed.
“Cuz it’s The Throne.”
Then Emperor Penguin shrugged and got up and sat in it.
“Okay,” he said and pointed at Wolf, “this one’s for you from back in the HighSchool days.”
Then Emperor Penguin &The Penguins started playing “Smoke Two Joints,” popularized by Sublime.
“Smoke Two Joints” is a song about a Reality who likes Marijuana Perception so much that smoking one joint at once is not enough so they have to smoke two at once.
The band was actually nailing it. The BongoPenguin bopped away, and the GuitarPenguin hit the off beats of the reggae rhythm, and Emperor Penguin’s voice was just as high and powerful as Sublime’s singer Bradley Nowell.
But the living room audience was quiet, and no one was MeTooing. Somehow despite coming to the party with him, it seemed The Penguins weren’t aware of the possible Marijuana MeNotzie. For those who were, no one could seem like they were enjoying the song too much, and they were all staring at the Marijuana MeNotzie to see what he would do.
I wondered if you could throw a whole band in Perception Prison just for singing a song about that. But The Baby didn’t throw anyone in jail, at least right away. He didn’t cry or poop himself or anything either. He just sat there with his thumb in his mouth, and didn’t seem to even realize what the song was about.
“Play another one,” Lamb’s Youngest Sister said. “A good one this time, not a weird one.”
“Nah,” Emperor Penguin said. “No one’s feeling it.”
Then he got up out of the wheelchair in failure.
“The problem is no one’s fucking drunk enough,” WildFuckingTurkey came back in and said.
Then he started going around the room trying to get everyone to take a swig from the jumbo bottle of Jack Daniels. When he got to Lamb’s Sisters and The Baby they all shook their hands and said, “No thanks.”
WildFuckingTurkey wouldn’t let The Baby off the hook tho.
“You mean you’re a fucking Alcohol MeNotzie, too?” he said.
“I don’t know what that means,” The Baby said, “but your song made it seem like Alcohol causes a lot of problems.”
“Of course it causes fucking problems. Problems are fucking fun!”
It almost seemed like WildFuckingTurkey was going to waddle-slap him in the Baby face.
“Not every Reality likes Alcohol,” Emperor Penguin butted in. “Maybe he’s more of a Marijuana Reality.”
Everyone in the room gasped. The Baby’s face got red, but he just shook his head and giggled.
“Speaking of which, Wolf,” Emperor Penguin said. “Where is the weed?”
But Wolf by now was lying flat on his belly on the couch and could barely respond.
“I know that Scorpion is a total Marijuana Perception Addict. Where is he, anyway? Isn’t this his home?”
Wolf gave a weak little whimper.
“It’s about to happen,” he said.
“The Vertigo?” Lamb asked.
He nodded and then looked at me, and I knew it was time to save him.
“Alright,” I said, and then I took over The Throne.