As the sing-along continued, Wolf summoned me and Scorpion into the kitchen.
“Well done, Bluebird,” Wolf said. “I can’t believe I got the full blown Vertigo. It was actually fascinating, like its own Perception.”
“I’m sorry,” Scorpion said. “I underestimated the significance of this RealityFuck phenomenon.”
“It’s Alright,” Wolf said, “but now that all these Realities are together again, we have to maintain the MeTooing with a Common Perception at once.”
“I don’t feel comfortable doing any Perception with that Marijuana MeNotzie here,” Scorpion said.
“I’ve been watching him all night,” I said. “He’s had a lot of chances to be a MeNotzie but hasn’t. In fact, I think he’s dying to MeToo with us.”
Then we looked back in the living room at him. The Baby was jumping up and down and clapping and had a big smile on his innocent puff-cheek face.
“I’ll admit he does look quite innocent,” Scorpion said.
“Yes,” Wolf scratched his chin, “I trust Bluebird’s assessment.”
“Alright,” Scorpion said. “The only problem now is that we’re already deep into our own separate Perceptions.”
“There’s got to be something we can do tho,” Wolf said.
“Well,” Scorpion said. “It’s a risk. But we could try a having a Shitshow.”
“Of course!” Wolf said.
“What’s a Shitshow?” I asked.
“It’s a fringe theory of Perceptionism,” Wolf said, “suggesting if a Reality is at an extreme magnitude of a given Perception, or in other words Shitfaced, then they will be able to MeToo another Shitfaced Reality even if in a completely different Perception. It’s unproven tho, and even if it did work, I’m not sure how to account for all these Sober Realities.”
“What if the Sober Realities get Shitfaced on a weak and unpowerful Perception like, say, Caffeine?” Scorpion suggested.
“I’ve still got a lot of Dr. Pepper in my car,” I said.
“Alright,” Wolf said, “we have no choice but to try.”
I left to get the Caffeine Perception, and when I got back Wolf was in the living room directing everything. He had Emperor Penguin and The Penguins play every Marley song they knew, and Lamb kept everyone singing along. WildFuckingTurkey was going around with bottles of Alcohol around and making sure everyone was drinking more than they could handle.
“Bluebird,” Wolf came up to me, “make sure the Sobers get fucking wired.”
“Alright,” I said.
Then I started handing out whole Dr. Peppers to each of them.
“I loveDr. Pepper,” The Baby said, “but I’m not allowed to have any too close to bedtime.”
“It’s Alright, The Baby,” I said. “You can drink as much as you want after a Wedding.”
“Oh, alright!” he said and started happily suckling on his very own two liter Baby bottle.
Then Scorpion came back with The Marijuana Perception. He was still cautious and trying to sneak the Octobong behind his back. But the Baby saw it anyway.
“Hey!” he said. “What’s that cool looking Octopus thing?”
Scorpion was startled and was about to crawl right back into The Hole, but Wolf stopped him before he could.
“It’s alright,” he said, “just show him what it is.”
Then Scorpion brought it over, and The Baby started playing with it like it was new toy.
“What’s it for?” The Baby asked.
“You smoke Marijuana Perception out of it,” Scorpion said.
“I wanna try!”
The Scorpion sat next to The Baby and showed him which tentacle was which so you could smoke out of it. The Baby took a hit and coughed and a minute later was giggling uncontrollably.
“I like it!” he said.
After that everyone in the room was inspired to try every Perception available at once. I even took a couple more hits off the Octobong, and Emperor Penguin put some Dr. Pepper in his scotch. Soon we were all Shitfaced, and the MeToos were flying around the room, and everyone got a chance to sit on The Throne. Then it’s hard to remember what happened next. I remember at some point looking up and Wolf was in the middle of the whole Shitshow smiling with his arm around Lamb.
And I remember sometime later waking up on the hard living room floor, and my head was right next to Emperor Penguin’s.
“Hey, Where-ThePlains-Meet-TheMountains,” he said.
“What?” I said.
“You came all the way from there?”
“I think I’m gonna keep the band together.”
“I’m shitfaced, man.”
“MeToo,” I said, and then I passed out.