When I woke up I was surrounded by Realities passed out on the floor and Perception debris of every kind. My whole body hurt, especially my head, which was spinning around like I had The Vertigo, and every time I tried to get up I felt like throwing up. Wolf&Lamb, however, were somehow up and smiling and full of energy.
“We’ve gotta go to The Philadelphia Suburbs (Pennsylvania) Convenience store just like old times!” Lamb said.
“Yes!” Wolf scratched his chin, “nothing like greasy food and coffee in the morning after getting Shitfaced all night.”
“Hey,” I grogged to them, “how come you’re not sick or unconscious?”
“We’ve taken a guaranteed Hangover cure,” Wolf said. “Let me make you some.”
“Great. I’ve gotta Hit the Road to Ohio like right now so I can Travel to TheGeneral&TheAdmiral Reality tonight, but all I feel like doing is hitting Scorpion’s toilet.”
“Hold on one moment,” Wolf said.
Then he shuffled around in the kitchen for a minute. When he came over to me I thought he’d have some cool Perceptionist potion, but instead he came back with a full glass of JacknDrPepper. Just sniffing it made me gag.
“No,” I said. “I need to get less drunk.”
“Trust me,” Wolf said. “It’s an age old Perceptionist trick called Drink-Whatever-You-Had-TheNight-Before.”
“Isn’t there a not gross cure?” I asked.
“No,” WildFuckingTurkey grogbbled from somewhere on the floor. “He’s right. It’s the only way.”
“It’s best to drink it in one gulp to get it over with,” Wolf said. “GAM-BAY!”
“GAM-BAY,” I said and then I poured it all in at once.
My throat didn’t want that much of anything at once going down it, and there was a second when I thought it might all come back out. But suddenly I had the strength to hold it in, and the spinning stopped, and I was able to sit up straight.
“I think it’s working,” I said. “Thank Gods, we’re in Wolf Reality!”
“No,” Wolf said. “Thank Gods we’re in Bluebird Reality. You saved me last night, and as a token of gratitude I want you to have what’s left of the Alcohol Stash. There’s still plenty.”
“Wow, thanks,” I said. “I might not be able to MeToo tonight without it.”
Wolf&Lamb weren’t the only ones up. So was Scorpion, and he wanted to help me get on The Road, too. He gave me directions for a ShortCut I could take out of town and then handed me a little plastic baggy with one large black&white pill in it.
“I imagine you have many hours ahead of you on The Road,” he said. “This should help so you don’t get too tired or crazy with boredom.”
“What is it?” I said.
“It’s an old Weight-Loss Perception banned from the market for decades due to possible undesirable side-effects. But I’ve Adventured with it before and found it to be completely harmless.”
I looked over at Wolf.
“That’s a very rare and powerful Perception,” he said. “I’m jealous.”
“Thanks Scorpion,” I said and put it in my pocket.
Then me and Wolf&Lamb went out to Wings with The Stash, and there was The Goddess of Faith waiting there in a jean jacket and jeans.
“My Gods!” Wolf said. “Is that really the Angel? Did you sacrifice and summon her just now?”
“No,” I said. “She just comes now cuz we’re in True Love.”
“Oh my Gods!” Lamb said. “She’s breathtaking.”
“Oh my Gods!” The Goddess of Faith said. “Is that really Wolf&Lamb? I watched your whole Wedding, and it gave me The Chills, and made me want to have a Wedding, too.”
“Thanks!” they said.
The Goddess was really excited, but she was also holding her head and stomach, and you could tell she was kinda sick. I asked her if she had a hangover.
“I don’t know,” she said. “Every time I fly I have to come back down and throw up.”
“It’s Alright, Baby,” I said. “Wolf’s got a Perceptionist Cure.”
“What were you drinking last night?” he asked her.
“All of them,” she said.
Then Wolf went back and grabbed a glass and made an AllofThem drink for her. She held her nose and GAM-BAY’d it down, and soon she was back to normal.
“Thanks so much!” Faith said. “I know we have to go now, but I wish we could just hang out as couples today.”
“It’s alright,” they said. “Today we have to go to our Honeymoon in the far off and exciting Realities of Jamaica.”
“Yay! I’ve been there many times giving It’s Alright, Baby songs to the MusicMan Traveler Bob Marley. You’ll love it.”
“Wow, Bob Marley?!”
“Yes, now let me give you both a Wedding present to help you enjoy the trip.”
Then she reached out and pushed them both together and gave them a huge It’s Alright, Baby squeeze at the same time.
“Mmm,” Wolf said. “Angel Hug Perception.”
“I feel like we’re already on a tropical beach with white sand and teal water and a gentle breeze, and everything is gonna be for certain Alright,” Lamb said.
“I’m so happy for you!” The Goddess clapped.
Then it was time to go, and we finished loading up the car, and we all hugged one more time.
“Be brave, Traveler,” Wolf said, “and you clearly don’t have to remember The Gods are very on your side.”
“You, too,” I said and then me and Faith hit the Road on a beautiful Sunday morning thinking nothing bad could possibly happen…