9.8 – KansasCity

After the Altamont gas station I added Theresa S. and The Gates of Hell to The Great List of What’s Not Real.  I got gas somewhere else at the next exit and then hit the Road again without looking back.  I made it thru the rest of Illinois and all of Missouri and nothing strange happened at all, except maybe that Wings started talking to me.  I’d been getting a little Lonely tho, and it was a nice Side Effect of the Pill.

“We’re coming up on KansasCity,” Wings said.  “That means only like two more states to go!”

“Yeah!” I said.  “We’ll be safe in bed in Our New Adult Lives before ya know it.”

“Hey, look!  It’s the KansasCity Royals’ stadium over there.”

The Kansas City Royals are a Major League baseball team about wearing royal blue uniforms.

“Ya know, I’ve been thinking, Wings. Blue has been my favorite color for a while, but maybe for My New Adult Life I’ll change it to something like black.”

“Or what about silver cuz I’m silver?”

“What if I just paint you black?”

Just then there was loud crack of thunder and a bright flash of lightning, and rain started pouring down hard around us.

“Put my wipers on at the highest speed,” Wings said.

“Got it, buddy,” I said.

But there was suddenly so much rain, I still couldn’t see.  There was supposta be a big city with big buildings around us, but I couldn’t tell.  It was hard to even tell if there were other cars or even a Road under us anymore.

“Ok, Wings,” I said, “we’ll just have to activate our Sixth Sense so we don’t crash into anything.”

We were still doing pretty well until the rain somehow came down even harder, and it was like smacking into a wall wherever you drove.  The wall then started to take a shape of two legs stomping down and two fists pounding at the air and two angry mean faces, one made of lightning and the other made of wind.

“It’s a monster!” Wings yelled.

“This stupid horrible horrible Scorpion Pill!” I said.  “I should’ve known its DarkSide would make giant monsters seem real even tho they also should be on The Great List of What’s Not Real.”

“I think we should still drive as if The Monster is real.”

“You’re probably right.”

Then we hadta start zigzagging all over The Road to dodge The Monster’s stomp-feet and pound-fists. He was huge and powerful, but we were fast and agile, and we managed to not be water-smashed right away.

The Monster didn’t give up tho, and I could see each head take a deep breath and puff out its cheeks, and then lightning bolts shot out from one and tornadoes from the other.  They wanted to electrocute and spin us to death, and they were headed straight for us.  I hadta step on the pedal all the way down so Wings could go faster than it could go.

“It looks clear just up ahead,” Wings said. “We just hafta make it out of the city.”

The Monster knew it too and made one last desperate attempt to stop us by laying his whole body down right over The Road.  He was so big you couldn’t just roll over him like some kind of RoadKill animal, and if you tried to go too far around you were bound to crash into the city.

“Oh, no!” I cried. “We’ve hit The Dead End.”

“Wait,” Wings said, “there’s still one direction we can go.”

“Where?  Up?”

“Yes. It’s time for us to fly.”


Then I pointed the car up and hit the gas pedal down, and we were able to leave the ground and launch into the sky just high enough to go over The Monster’s body.  It made one last swipe at us with its fist, but my reflexes were too good, and Wings was too quick, and we were suddenly clear and safe on the other side.

Then the rain went away, and you could see The Road again, and there was a sign with a sunflower on it that said “Welcome to Kansas.”