I knew TheGeneral&TheAdmiral would still be tough to MeToo, but I didn’t know much about Red. I waited for them to go to the balcony to smoke, and then I went up to talk to her.
“Did La Renarde ever tell you about Reality Travel?” I asked her.
“Oh you mean Fox.”
“Oh my god, she usta be so weird,” she said. “I’m glad she’s finally starting to get normal now.”
“Reality Travel isn’t weird. It’s all about the best thing in the world, MeTooing.”
“Oh my god, my sister usta say that word all the time. I hated it.”
“You don’t like when someone relates with you about something?”
“Wouldn’t it make you feel good if I said something like I’m getting kinda drunk too right now?” I said.
“Oh my god, you must be a Lightweight,” she said and poked me. “I’m not drunk at all!”
“You’re on like your second huge vodka and cranberry tho, and you have a pretty small body weight, and I just saw you stumble over the couch a minute ago.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Red, don’t be a MeNotzie.”
“I hate that word, too.”
“It’s a good word, cuz you’re not supposta be one. Especially a HighNDry MeNotzie, just like in the Radiohead song.”
“Never heard of it.”
“Radiohead’s “High and Dry” is a song about The Worst Kind of MeNotzie. One who could easily MeToo a Reality, but chooses to lie about it instead. Like you might both be low and wet, but they’ll say they’re high and dry, and then you feel all Alone when you didn’t even have to.”
“It’s not at all. You just hafta listen to it.”
I’d made sure to bring The Great Trip Mix in with me just for this kind of MeToo opportunity, and then I played it for her.
“This is old and depressing,” she said.
“Do you really think that, or are you just lying and leaving me HighNDry again?”
“I never lie.”
“Every Reality lies sometimes.”
Just then The General&The Admiral came back in.
“Hahaha,” The Admiral said, “music.”
“Sounds to me like another futile attempt to MeToo,” The General said.
“It’s not futile,” I said.
And then I started singing along to the song, so at least the highness and powerfullness of my voice could MeToo them. It turned out my Dead Voice from the night before had magically worn off. I was back to full strength and nailing it right away. It raised all of their eyebrows, The Admiral didn’t laugh, The General nodded his head and went,“Hmm,” and I noticed Red was even rubbing her arms.
“You’re getting The Chills aren’t you, Red?!” I said.
“No, it’s just a little cold in here.”
“My Gods! It’s alright to tell the truth.”
“Ah, yes,” The General said. “The Gods. The ones you were chosen by to become this Reality Traveler thing.”
“That’s right,” I said.
“Tell me, how do you know if they’ve chosen you?”
“You just know.”
“How do you know it’s not just all in your own head?”
“I’ve seen them. I’ve spoken to them. I have a Guardian Angel who’s my girlfriend.”
“Hahaha,” The Admiral said. “Imaginary.”
“She’s completely real. I could summon her right now.”
“I would love to see that,” The General said.
“Alright,” I said, “but first I have to make a sacrifice.”
Then I took one of the bottles from The Stash and dumped it in the sink. Everyone cringed for a second, but I motioned for them to trust me.
“Goddess Faith,” I said, “Now is the time.”
But after a couple minutes nothing happened, and she wasn’t there before us.
“Hahaha,” The Admiral said, “no Angel.”
“As predicted,” The General said.
“She’s just slowed down for some reason,” I said. “She’ll definitely be here soon.”
“Hahaha,” The Admiral said. “Don’t hold your breath.”
“Wait,” I said, “I have another way to prove The Gods exist and are on my side.”
Then I pointed at The Mix.
“I’ve been touched by The Goddess of Music,” I said, “and she’s been helping me on the Great Trip by serendipitously playing songs from this Mix when I need a MeToo. If we turn on The Radio right now, I guarantee one of these exact 18 tracks plus bonus track will be playing.”
“Hahaha,” The Admiral said. “Apollo.”
“That’s no proof of anything,” The General said. “That could just be a coincidence.”
“Sometimes the odds of something happening is so low it has to be The Gods,” I said.
“The only way I’ll accept this challenge is if I get to choose The Radio station,” The General said.
“Alright,” I said.
The General had a Super Radio that had every different kind of station on it. A lot of them I’d never even heard of before. He started to go thru them all.
“90’s Suburban Hits,” he said. “I bet you’d loveme to put that one on, wouldn’t you? But for this to be a true test of The Gods, I think it should be a station you’d never ever listen to.”
“I listen to lots of stations,” I lied.
“Is that so? Because I have a feeling you wouldn’t listen to something like… New Dance Hits.”
“Oh my god!” Red said. “I love that station.”
“Alright,” I said, “put on New Dance Hits. The Gods will still come thru for me.”
Then The General put it on, and the first song playing was Radiohead’s “Creep.”
“Creep” is not a New Dance Hit at all. It’s a 90’s Suburban Hit about wanting to be Special but actually being a Creep. Everyone can MeToo with a Special Reality, but a Creep Reality is so different from everyone else that no one can possibly MeToo them.
We double-checked to see if the station was right, and it clearly still said “New Dance Hits.”
“It’s a Goddess of Music miracle!” I said.
The General, tho, was looking closely at the Mix’s track listing.
“Yes,” he said. “Except this song isn’t on there. You lose. As always.”
“But Radiohead is on there,” I said. “‘High and Dry.’ We were just listening to it.”
“I see that,” The General said, “and this is some strange anomaly I will agree, but the deal was it had to be an exact song on your Mix, and the fact is this is ‘Creep’ not ‘High and Dry.’”
“Isn’t it close enough?”
“Close only counts in hand grenades.”
“Oh my god,” Red said, “this is even more old and depressing than the other one.”
“Hahaha,” The Admiral said. “Creeps.”
“What are you laughing at?” I said. “You’re a Creep.”
“Hahaha, you are.”
“No you are, you drunk.”
“Hahaha, I’m not drunk at all. I’m a sober skipper.”
“Shut up. We’re all drunk.”
“Oh my god,” Red said, “I’m not even feeling a thing yet.”
“She’s right,” The General said. “We’ve barely drank anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re already drunk tho.”
“I am drunk. I’ll admit it. We all wanted to get drunk, and now we are. We did exactly what we wanted to do. Why lie about it?”
“Hahaha,” The Admiral said. “Lightweight.”
“Stop leaving me HighNDry, you Creeps!”
“The only Creep here is you,” The General said.
“You’re the biggest Creep I’ve ever met. I bet you’re actually miserable inside and feel like there’s nothing special about you.”
“No, I’m a very happy person. I have a lot of money and people like me.”
“I don’t like you.”
“That doesn’t sound very MeToo to me. What do you think Admiral?”
“Hahaha,” he said, “me neither.”
“I mean, what must The Gods think of you right now, Hippie Dippie?”
“I know what one God thinks of me,” I said, “and I’m going to get her right now.”