I got hit with a bad case of Traveler Vertigo just like Chrissie Hynde had. I didn’t know what happened at the time. I just knew one moment I was in the car with Mom, and the next moment I was lying belly down on a bed. I didn’t know who I was or why I was there. I only had a vague sense the bed shoulda been smaller and the sheets shoulda had more cartoons on them.
A small dog was furiously barking at me. I looked for something to shut it up, like a stuffed animal army led by a stuffed animal George Washington.
George Washington was a Great Warrior about singlehandedly creating America.
But all I could find on the nightstand was a cup of tea and a pile of Self Growth supplement horsepills. I was too weak and dizzy to get up. I just hadta lay there listening to the dog.
“Yap, yap, yap, yap!” he said.
“What did I ever do to you?” I said.
But I looked over and realized he wasn’t barking at me. He was pointed toward the closet. There were some scratching sounds inside it and then a thud. The dog started barking even louder.
Then suddenly the doors burst open and a mean, black flying thing swooped out and divebombed the bed with a “Caw!” Even tho I had the Vertigo I had just enough strength to leap out of the bed in terror. The bird continued to swoop around the room crashing into things. The Buddhawg jumped up high and tried to teeth-nip it out of the air, but the creature dodged each time and then circled back toward my head. All I could do was duck and start running.
“What’s happening?” Mom said as I came flying down the stairs.
“A Crow is happening!” I said.
It followed me out of the room and caught up with me and landed on my shoulders. I could feel its feet and feathers right next to my ear.
“Tsst,” Mom said. “How did that get in here?!”
“I don’t know,” I said. “But it’s gonna peck me!”
“Shoo it outside!”
Then she opened the front door, and I ran down the stairs and straight thru it. The Crow came out, too, and it could’ve flown for freedom, but it made sure its beak was still right on me. I had to run all the way to the driveway and get inside the first car I could find and slam the door behind me before it could get in, too. I made it inside the silver one just in time and watched the Crow fly away on the other side of the hard sturdy windshield.
“Phew!” I said.
Then I looked around and saw familiar things like a blue tweed jacket, Jack Kerouac’s book and a Great Trip Mix.
“Wait a second,” I said. “This is Wings. This is my car.”
Then I realized it was all part of my present Reality Traveler Reality.
“Oh yeah!” I said. “This is who I am now.”
I also remembered who I am now had to be in a certain ex-girlfriend Reality soon or else. I looked at the time, and it was nearly too late.
“Dammit,” I said. “BoobyTraps slowing me down!”
Then Mom came out.
“I just don’t know how it could’ve gotten inside,” she said. “None of the doors or windows are open, and we don’t have a chimney here.”
“It’s alright, Mom. It’s just a mysterious Reality Travel thing.”
“Tsst, Reality Travel.”
“Yeah, and I’m way behind on today’s Travels. I have to Hit The Road like right now.”
“I figured you would. That’s why I packed the car up with your stuff while you were sleeping.”
Then I looked back and there were pants and a shirt hung up on the back hooks. And shoes and socks and a belt that must’ve come from Dad’s closet. There was also a grocery bag that was stocked with things like PeanutButter&Jelly sandwiches and Dr. Pepper and Twizzlers! There was even an envelope in there full of money.
“I don’t know why I got those things for you,” she said.
“Ah ha!” I said. “You got TimeWarped into it!”
She didn’t know what I was talking about, and there was no time to explain. There was only one last chance to get in a quick MeToo. I put on The Mix.
“Hey, Mom, this is ‘I’m Like a Bird.’ It’s one of my favorite songs cuz I also feel like a bird.”
“Oh, I think I know that one,” she said.
Then we listened, and soon started bobbing our heads together in a mini-Rock Out and even sang the last couple refrains of the chorus together.
“Ooh, that’s a catchy one,” she said. “I like it.”
“MeToo,” I said.
Then we hugged and said goodbye.
Before I could leave I had to do one more thing. I took an old pizza delivery address sticker from the floor, stuck it on Wings’s steering wheel and wrote something on it I didn’t want to forget again…
I’M THE BLUEBIRD
A MUSICMAN TRAVELER
WHO FLIES TO ALL REALITIES
AND SINGS TO THEM
Then I sped out of the driveway and headed for NewYorkCity as fast as possible.