4.12 – Full House

When I woke up the next day at Kat’s parents’ house, she was gone at work. Your Son was lying on my neck and licking me all over. My face was so snotted up I hadta do a full head-dunk in the sink before I could do anything else. I took a double dose of Benadryl Perception, grabbed some Fudge Grams and went to the couch. It seemed like maybe there were other Reality Travel things I was supposta do that day, but I watched episodes of Full House on TV instead.

Full House is an old TV show about Reality Travel. In it a Musicman Traveler, known as Uncle Jesse, is trapped in an overpopulated house of nothing but Adults and Children who adorably say Adult things like “How Rude?!” He is supposta be MeTooing the World with RockNRoll, but instead the Full House Dominates him into becoming a babysitter. They make him do things like take the Kids to School, and enforce bedtimes, and change diapers. He’s so busy there’s never enough time to Travel on his motorcycle or make MeToo songs.

My favorite episode was when Uncle Jesse is finally sick of Domination and tries to break free. He rides his motorcycle far away to his old Reality Traveler allies, and they play music together again, and some of them are pretty girls who really like the way his voice sounds.

“Yes, Uncle Jesse!” I said to the TV. “Stay there forever.”

But talking to the TV didn’t help. Eventually the Full House lured him back by tricking him that one of the Kids was sick and he was the only one who could make her well. Then Uncle Jesse was brainwashed into realizing he actually Loved the Kids more now than Reality Travel, and he never left the Full House again.

“Aw,” I said. “I guess you can’t blame him too much. The Kids are very adorable.”

3.6 – The Great List of Food

General Tso’s chicken

Dr. Pepper

Doritos

Twizzlers

Strawberry Rhubarb Pie

Popcorn

Apple Pancakes

PeanutButter&Jelly sandwiches

Chicken sandwiches

Chicken wings

Chicken fingers

Mozzarella sticks

Marinara sauce

Onion rings

Ranch dressing

Keebler fudge grams

Oreo cookies

Christmas cookies

Spaghettios

Fruit Roll-Ups

Hot Pockets

Honey Nut Cheerios

Birthday Cake

Ben&Jerry’s Coffee HeathBar Crunch Ice Cream

Pizza

Flintstones Chewable Vitamins

Potato Salad

Salmon

Red White and Blue Popsicles

French Fries

Croissants

Macaroni and cheese

Juice boxes

Breast milk

Banana milkshake

McDonald’s Happy Meal