8.5 – The ShortCut

“Wow,” The Goddess of Faith said, “I still can’t believe I actually got to meet Wolf&Lamb.  It was just like we were on a double date for a minute.”

“Yes,” I said, “I wanted to go bowling together.”

“Or mini-golfing!”

“I wish we were going to Jamaica with them instead of Ohio.”

“Aw, Bluebird, you’re nervous about Travelling to TheGeneral&TheAdmiral tonight, aren’t you?”

“I am.  They’re like the biggest MeNotzies I know, and they believe War is actually a good thing, and I don’t know how to possibly MeToo them anymore.”

“If only I could Travel with you.  I’d tell them I’m your SoulMate Goddess Girlfriend, and I’m crazy in Lovewith you, and then they’d get so jealous, but I’d secretly give them doses of It’s Alright, Baby all night.  The General&The Admiral would never have felt so comfortable with themselves.”

“Yeah, and then with their guard down we’d destroy them with MeToos!… but you know we can’t.”

“I know, but I’ve been thinking maybe I can just show up for one small moment without anyone noticing.”

“Well, I mean, we have been getting away with small moments together already like at the end of The Wedding and last night in the backyard.”

“Exactly, and even some long moments in the car.”

“Yeah, another small moment would be nothing, right?”

“I’ll just sneakily drop in at a key moment when you really need a MeToo.  No one will even notice.  And even if somehow we did get caught, at the very worst I’d just get kicked out of the Angel Corps for breaking The Rules.  But as long as we’re not making Love or Bluebird’sAlright, Baby!! they can’t prove anything enough to actually Eliminate Us From Existence.”

“That’s good, but I do still want you to be my Angel.”

“I know, baby, but even then we can still see each other if we just keep sneaking around, and we’ll still have TrueLove and that’s everything.”

“Alright, I like the way we’re thinking a lot.”

We smiled and held hands as we drove down Scorpion’s ShortCut.  It was much better than the LongCut of horrible major Pennsylvania Roads and all their Realities and traffic and millions of possible problems. Instead it took us thru the cute little Roads of The Sylvania, where The Perceptionist Training School was.  There was a bushy green canope wherever we went, and it was cool and shady and nice to look at.

Eventually we got to a part where The Sylvania suddenly thinned out and opened up into a meadow with strange old-timey looking little shacks and cabins.  All the cars in front of us started slowing down to a crawl.

“Traffic?!” I said. “But the whole point of the ShortCut was so this didn’t happen.”

“No, Bluebird!” The Goddess said.  “This is actually great!”

“What do you mean?”

“Look,” she said and pointed to a sign.  “We’re in Valley Forge!”

They’d turned the whole thing into a park, and there were modern cars and parking lots and picnicking Realities in the fields, but otherwise everything was just like it was during the First America vs. Great Britain Reality War.

“I’ve been here before a long time ago,” The Goddess of Faith said.

“Really?” I said and told her all about my Bob Marley and George Washington dream.

“Wow, all of that actually happened to me. It’s like we’re connected now by some Higher Power in The DreamWorld.”

“And this also means we can TimeTravel here just like the Perceptionist Professor was talking about, right?”

“Exactly, I can’t wait at all!”

Then she had us hold each other tight and close our eyes, and when we opened them all the crowds and cars and the Road itself had disappeared.  It was just me and Faith and Wings sitting there in the middle of a snowy field with raggedy soldiers marching nearby.

“Oh no,” I said. “They’re gonna notice we’re in a machine from way into the future.”

“It’s Alright, Baby,” she said. “They can’t see us.  We’re technically still in present time, but we’re able to watch the past like it’s a 3-dimensional living movie on TV.”


Then we started walking around to see what we could see.

“Look, there’s past-me over there by that dying soldier,” Faith said.

I looked over, and there was a whole other Goddess of Faith covered in a plain black cloak and frowning as the Reality next to her held his stomach and moaned.

“Back then I was known as The Goddess of Dysentery,” Faith said, “and whenever somebody died from that disease I had to take their Soul to The Underworld.  It’s hard to tell, but there’s actually a ton of intestinal bacteria around here right now.  I was very busy.”

Then we passed by another soldier in a bright blue coat and big high General’s hat walk right by us.

“That’s Washington,” Faith said.

“Hey, it is!” I said.

He looked just like the picture on the one dollar bill or the quarter or my George Washington stuffed animal, except he was actually there in full size.  We watched him for awhile do General stuff like check up on things and give men orders. Then when he thought nobody was looking, he put a finger up his nose and dug out a booger.”

“Oh my Gods!” I said. “George Washington picked his nose.”

“A lot of Realities pick their nose,” Faith said.

“But historical figures aren’t supposed to!”

It was fascinating, and I wanted to keep watching Washington to see what else he did that most people would never admit to, but I looked over at Faith, and she had a certain look in her eye, and even tho it was kinda gross and depressing in Valley Forge, I knew she wanted us to finally show each other what Love is.

“I wanna do all the things Humans do when they’re in Love,” she said.  “Like I wanna take each other’s clothes off and see each other naked.”

“Alright,” I said, “where should we do it?”

Then she pointed to Wings’s back seat, and we both got in and giggled.

“Fefefefully,” I said.

“Bebebebird,” she said.

Then she put her hands on my two day-worn Wedding Uniform.

“I so love this jacket,” she said, and then kissed me, and took it off carefully.

Then she also carefully took off each piece of clothing under it one by one until I was totally naked.

“I love the way you look,” she said,and It’s Alright, Baby’d me in as many spots as she could with her hands.

“Thank you,” I said, “I want to take your clothes off too now.”


And then I took off her new jean jacket and white t-shirt and belt and jeans and bra and panties, and then she was totally naked.

“I love the way you look,” I said.

“Thank you.  I feel so Human with you right now.”

“I feel so Gods with you right now.”

Then we knew we hadta get as close to each other as we possibly could.  Our naked skin and body parts pressed together, and we tried to make it so there were no gaps at all between them.  We tried to make it so our bodies went thru the other’s body. We tried to make it exactly like Bluebird’s Alright, Baby!!  We were not in Pure enough Other World for it to happen, and our bodies were still of The World and hadta be separate things, but we tried to will it to happen anyway.  Even tho we failed the trying felt good, so we tried again and failed and tried again and failed and tried again and failed.  I could feel my pure Bluebird! at the very edge of me and ready to escape any crack it could find in my outer protection, so we kept trying and failing, and trying and failing, and trying and failing until finally there was a small explosion, and our essences combined into just the smallest little baby Bluebird’s Alright, Baby!! and it made both of us say “I TrueLove you.”

Then we laid back on the car seat and just held each other.

“How do you think it’s possible that a God and a Human can be in True Love?” I asked her.

“I don’t know exactly,” she said, “but I do know that in The Beginning when The Darkness and The Light fell in Love, it caused a great explosion in which all The Gods and the material we used to create The World were formed.  Sometimes there would be whole pieces of material that fractured perfectly in two, and when they were made into Humans they would always seem to find each other and reunite no matter how far away they were.  This is what you call SoulMates.  Perhaps there was one rare perfectly fractured piece that became half God and half Human, and it is finally reuniting as us.”

“That has to be the explanation,” I said.  “I feel like I fit too perfectly together with you.”


Then suddenly we were startled by a knock on the car window.  We jumped up and noticed some kinda black cloaked soldier Reality peering in at us.

“I thought they couldn’t see,” I said.

“That’s not a soldier,” she said. “It’s an Angel of Death.”

“An Angel of Death from the past?”

“No, from the present.”

The Angel of Death knocked again, and then we hadta roll down the window and talk to him.

“God of Gangrene…” she said, “What are you doing here?”

“Vacation,” he said.

“Really?  Here?”

“Oh, ya know, I haven’t had much to do lately, and it’s been giving me the blues, so I came back to revisit my glory days. Valley Forge was probably the Golden Age of Gangrene.  So few boots available.  So many dead toes.”

“What a coincidence, I’m kinda here for the same reason.  Love to relive all the throw up and diarrhea.”

“Sure, nothing like the smell of a man’s rotting bowels.”

“I know!”

“Who is he?” The God of Gangrene pointed at me.

“He’s um… he’s a great War historian,” she lied, “and The Gods want him to have a big breakthrough in the study of old War diseases, so they’re making him dream about this right now.”

“Oh, that’s great! But why is he naked?”

“Sometimes humans just dream about themselves naked.”

“Humans are so strange.”


“Well, I’m about to go back to the main camp and look around.  I think several horses are going to starve to death today.  You wanna come with me?  I could teach the historian so much.”

“No thanks,” The Goddess of Faith said.  “He’s just about to wake up actually.”

“Oh, alright,” The God of Gangrene said, “it was good to see you I guess.”

Then he waved goodbye, turned around, and slowly walked away.

“Wow,” I said to Faith after he left, “that was some good lying.”

“Thanks,” she said.

“Do you think he bought it?”

“I think so.”

“And he didn’t see anything first?”

“I don’t think so.”

“He couldn’t put two and two together in his head tho, could he?”

“I really don’t think so.  It’s the God of Gangrene not the God of Detectives.  I’m sure he bought it.”

“Alright, then we’re safe?”

“Yes, It’s Alright, Baby, we’re still safe.”

“Alright, what now?”

“Just to be safer we should probably go our separate ways and lay low for awhile.”

“Alright, what about tonight with The General&The Admiral?”

“Everything’s really Alright, Baby.  I’ll still come.”

Then she looked me right in the eyes so I knew what she was about to say was true.

“I promise,” she said.

Then she kissed me and sprouted her wings and flew up into the sky right thru the 18th century clouds.

6.1 – Track #18 of The Great Trip Mix – Coldplay “Sparks”

One day I came over to The Den, and Wolf&Lamb were very excited.

“We’ve just picked the song for The First Dance,” Wolf said.

“What’s The First Dance?” I asked.

“The most important song of The Wedding,” Lamb said. “It’s the first time Wolf and I will dance as married Realities. They’ll play a song, and we’ll be the only ones on the dancefloor. Everyone will watch us, and they can’t start dancing themselves until the next song.”

“It’s supposed to be something slow and romantic,” Wolf said. “And also something that perfectly represents our Love.”

“We picked Coldplay’s ‘Sparks,’” Lamb said.

“Sparks” is a song about the bright little flying embers that occur during an intense physical reaction like someone welding metal, a car bottoming out on pavement, a tree branch falling on a power line, or two Realities falling in Love.

I liked Coldplay. Their lead singer Chris Martin did not have a powerful voice, but it was high and still capable of giving you The Chills.

“To fully explain,” Wolf said, “We have to tell you The Story of How We Met.”

“Alright!” I said.

Then we got comfortable, and Wolf made some Jack Daniels and Dr. Pepper cocktails. Lamb even came up with the idea of adding maraschino cherries, so it would be like a sweet prize at the end of the drink. It was very good. Then Wolf began The Story…

“You may be thinking that in order to fall in Love you have to MeToo about every single thing, but, as you may notice, the two of us may as well be different species. You’d expect, since I’m so Wolf-like and Lamb is so baby-sheep like, that I would’ve only hunted her down in the night, pulled her from the flock with my canine teeth, and MeNotted her with my digestive tract. And actually at first I was searching for no animal but another daring and ferocious Canis Lupis, a SoulTwin who shared a 100% MeToo Overlap.”

“I thought the same thing,” Lamb said. “I just assumed I’d end up with a hardy, horn-bashing ram-boy.”

“I was at The Perceptionist Training School in TheWoods of Pennsylvania,” Wolf said, “going on intense Adventures assigned by the esteemed Perceptionism Professor. He would take us, as he would say, “Down The Rabbithole” to the frontiers of Perception and The Other World. I assumed I would fall in Love in there, but only a rare breed of Traveler was Called to do it. There were not many of us, and the pool of available mating options was quite small. I soon had to turn to the nearby Pennsylvania Future Adult Training School, where there were considerably better odds of meeting someone. I’d always enjoyed reading, especially the Great Perceptionist authors, such as Aldous Huxley, William S Burroughs, and Hunter S Thompson, so I enrolled in a literature course at the college.”

“I was going to PFATS because I thought I wanted to be an Adult at first,” Lamb said. “I mean that’s what everyone tells you you’re supposed to be, right? I ended up in the same literature class as Wolf because I always liked reading, too. I’d never heard of any of his favorite authors tho. My favorites were Mother Goose and the Bible.”

“I found her innocence and adorable looks very attractive right away.”

“I found his experience and intense hunting eyes attractive right away.”

“But I doubted there was even a 10% Overlap between us, so I continued looking elsewhere.”

“And I thought there was no way someone like Wolf would be interested in me.”

“I turned my attention to the PFATS party scene, and made it known to the right Realities that I had access to wild new Perceptions which could obliterate their inhibitions. It became easy to meet women after that, but they were all into Perceptionism for superficial reasons, and I would hide my Reality Travel Calling so it would appear as if we had more of a MeToo Overlap. Sometimes I’d outright lie and tell them I was a full time PFATS Student. I ended up dating several of them, but it was never satisfying, and none of them ever felt close to being my SoulMate.”

“And I would date boys who were too much like me. They were religious, polite, and well on their way to becoming Adults. But all the MeTooing was actually boring me, and I wanted to meet someone different for once.”

“Meanwhile in literature class, despite our differences, I couldn’t draw my attention away from Lamb. I felt strong urges to be near her soft wool and nuzzle it like a blanket. Eventually those urges overcame my fears.”

“Then one day Wolf asked me out, and I couldn’t believe it. I thought, why would someone like that like me?”

“Remarkably, she agreed. And at once I began worrying Lamb would MeNot everything about me. Yet, I was also fed up with not Being My Own Reality. I realized it was absurd to try and trick someone into being my SoulMate and decided not to lie or hold anything back this time. So I invited her to my favorite off-campus dive bar.”

“Not only had I never been in a bar before, but I’d never even been in Alcohol Perception.”

“When I found that out, I was even more terrified of a MeNotzie reaction, but I knew I had to continue with the Being My Own Reality experiment.”

“He ordered a martini and I ordered a Coke.”

“And I flat out told her, ‘I’m a ShaMan Reality Traveler who MeToos via Perceptionism.’”

“I had no idea what that meant.”

“So then I just explained everything to her. The Perceptions, MeTooing, and The Gods. And to my surprise, she did not run away or argue with me or stare at me in confusion.”

“I was thrilled by all these concepts and terminology I’d never heard before.”

“And then she said, ‘Thank you for being so honest.’”

“And then I reached out and grabbed his hand.”

“And then something happened. A surge of energy built up in the center of my chest and in an instant shot out to all parts of my body. It went thru my shoulders and down my arms, and when it reached my hands and fingers it leapt out in a spark. I truly mean that a small ember of light was created when we touched. It was overwhelming and forced us both to retract. Then when we summoned the courage to reach out and touch again, the same thing happened.”


“You may doubt me on this and think it was just a lingering effect from some recent Adventure in Perception.”

“But I was in Sober Perception the whole time, and I felt the exact same surge from my chest to my fingertips and witnessed the exact same electricity.”

“It’s left us both with a mysterious but non-negotiable trust in each other. As if from that point on, whatever force caused that spark would guide us no matter how much we MeToo’d or not.”

“We’ve been together ever since, and there have been a lot of MeToos.”

“I am certain we are SoulMates and have full confidence in my decision to marry her. And that, my friend, is why the song must be Coldplay’s ‘Sparks.’”